


What Have I Done?

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-09
Updated: 1999-05-09
Packaged: 2018-11-10 21:59:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11135520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Victoria's thoughts as she leaves Fraser  lying bleeding at the train station.





	What Have I Done?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).
    
    
    Well here it is, my first ever piece of fanfic. Thanks to everyone
    who encouraged me to post it and thanks to the panel for the comments/rating.
    Its not that long and its all the fault of dsouth-l that I had the idea
    in the first place.
    
    All e-mails will be worshipped so be gentle. My inbox still has a few
    flying otters living in it!
    
    This is rated PG for some violence and maybe implied sex.
    
    Hope you enjoy!
    
    Natasha (Basha)
    
    Basha_Forret@msn.com
    
    What Have I Done?
    
    What have I done? I have destroyed the very thing that kept me whole.
    I see him lying there in a pool of blood and all I know is that I did
    this. It seemed so right, the only way. But now? Oh my god ! What have
    I done? 
    
    It started so long ago you would think I could forget, but I can't. How
    could I? Every night I would feel the touch of his hands brushing the
    hair from my face, see those blue eyes studying me with a soul laid bare.
    Into the dark hole that was my life he came and brought a light that
    was so pure and good and right that it was blinding. When he found me
    I was so scared of what might happen but instead of hurting me he took
    me into his arms. We talked for what seemed an eternity keeping each
    other alive. Then he started to slip away and I could not let that wonderful
    life go. It was so hard to utter the words but I could not, would not
    let him go. Then it was his turn. The cold was so great, even greater
    than the ice of my soul. He took my hand and put the fingers in his mouth
    and the warmth spread throughout my body and there was hope. After the
    storm passed the only thought either of us had was to survive, I gave
    no thought to the future. When we made it to the village neither of us
    wanted it to end. So we spent the night in each others arms, our souls
    joined and complete.
    
    I should have known then that it was too good to be true. To think that
    suddenly, because of one man, my life would become so much better. He
    wouldn't let me go.
    
    As much as I hated him for that I also loved him. Always honourable.
    Even then I thought it would be ok. I hadn't counted on that judge. Despite
    the evidence I gave against Jolly they still gave me ten years. Ten years!
    My life destroyed and I blamed him. Ten years is along time for the bitterness
    to grow and spread. But when it came down to it all I wanted was him.
    After I was released I thought of going to him but then all those doubts
    resurfaced. How could I be sure he loved me? When my sister died I had
    the chance. I'd make sure that he had no choice but to come with me whether
    he loved me or not. It was so hard to carry out the plan. Once we spent
    the night together in his apartment I almost forgot about everything
    but him. Just being next to him again was enough. To be able to smell
    him, taste him, see him. Then the doubts came back. He was still the
    same man that had betrayed me. How could I be sure?
    
    Well now I am sure. He was coming with me. He would have come with me
    in the beginning if I had only asked. It's all too late and all for nothing
    now. I should be with him! I should hold him in my arms as he dies but
    I can't. How can I face those eyes with my guilt. So I stay on the train,
    but for what? My life is with the dying man lying on the ground with
    the falling snow covering him.
    
    A fool. I have been such a fool.
    My god, Ben. What have I done?
    I love you Ben.
    What have I done?
    
    ************************************************************
    
    That's it. What do you think?
    
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    


End file.
